The Unbearable Grief

Sad girl holding umbrella (Image source: http://www.hercampus.com/school/maryland/5-ways-avoid-winter-sadness)

“Grief has never looked so beautiful. Quite a paradox, as surely it must be the hardest emotion we have to bear.

It is said the only way out of grief is through it. Otherwise, it can hold us in depression or send us into a madness that can take lives.

Even in death, Ophelia is held in grief as firmly as her heavy dress holds her in water. The haunting subject makes this painting an unlikely favourite.”

– Tate Britain on ‘Ophelia’ by Millais

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The ‘human’ in human error

 

 

Oops (Image source: http://www.wrestlecrap.com/icfyt/29204/)

In a world where we rely so heavily on technology to manage our daily lives, I sometimes wonder what the future holds for the human race. From smart tech in the home to wearable technology, the ‘smart revolution’ has changed and influenced nearly every aspect of our lives.

Now, I am certainly no prude and tech plays a huge role in my life, and in particular my work. However, when it does go all glitchy, (which let’s face it, it so often does) we go through the usual process of:

  1. getting frustrated
  2. trying to solve the problem ourselves
  3. rebooting
  4. getting it to work again (or if this fails…go to five)
  5. approaching a professional ‘fixer’ to get it working /OR/ giving up and chucking it

My job involves sitting at a desk all day, stringing together words to fill up blank pages on a blank screen, which then gets cut, copied, trimmed and churned into creamy butter, dripping off the pages of high spec laptop screens. Typos always ruin teh moment. (Image source: http://www.lolsotrue.com/usertag/typos)

By no means is it an easy job. I don’t always get it right and because I’m only human, I sometimes make mistakes. But lately, I have begun to question whether we’re more forgiving of bugs in our tech systems, than the bugs in our fellow man.

If your Fitbit’s not working properly and you’ve tried all of the steps above, you’d probably get rid of it, get a replacement or ask for a refund. I’d probably do the same.

But have our friends / colleagues / teammates / customer service agents, become as replaceable? Or have we just become less tolerant of human error and more reliant on tech to deliver near-perfect results. I suspect it may be a bit of both.

He said. She said.

Source: http://piccsy.com/
He said: I think you’re lovely.
She said: you’re okay I guess. 
He said: can I take you out to the movies?
She said: I’ll have a large popcorn with some Coke and jelly beans. 
He said: I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
She said: stop talking and kiss me already. 
He said: let’s get married.
She said: OMG! what a gorgeous ring!
He said: I promise to love you always.
She said: I promise to stick by you forever.
He said: you’re the best wife a guy could ask for.
She said: I couldn’t imagine my life without you. 
He said: two ply or three ply?
She said: three ply and chocolate.
He said: let’s get a puppy.
She said: let’s have a baby.
He said: what’s for dinner?
She said: dirty diapers and kisses.  
He said: you’re an amazing mother to our kids.
She said: I love you, but I wish you’d help out more around the house. 
He said: what’s the matter, you seem different.
She said: who is she?
He said: she makes my world spin.
She said: but I was your world. 
She said: you are my heart. 
He said: I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore. 
She said: Don’t go!
He said: Goodbye!

This is what I know for sure

Source: http://piccsy.com/

I’ve been married for all of one year now and I guess you could say I’m still n the honeymoon phase. But after a year of sharing my space, my shampoo, the blanket covers, my popcorn, the last piece of cheese, my dreams, my fears, my annoying habits, there’s a few things I’ve learnt.

I’ve learnt that love is a wonderful thing. 
I’ve learnt that relationships don’t just exist they endure because you work at it. 
I’ve learnt that time is the most expensive gift to give and the most precious one to receive. 
I’ve learnt that happily ever is not exempt from bills, responsibility, cleaning house, laundry days and even grocery lists. 
I’ve learnt that compromise is key. 
I’ve learnt that doing nothing together is the best quality time you cold ask for. 
I’ve learnt that tough times don’t last forever, but tough people do. 
I’ve learnt that you can make room for daydreams in your reality. 
I’ve learnt that forgiveness can mend hurt.
I’ve learnt that “me time” is as important as “we time”.
I’ve learnt that man is flawed, but there is perfection in our imperfections.
I’ve learnt that life has its ups and downs, but it’s so much better to have someone to share the journey with.
These things I know for sure!

Source: http://piccsy.com/

Promise me…

Source: http://weheartit.com/
Promise me you’ll never go anywhere without me.
If you ever left I’d have no one to give me advice on which shoes match better with that dress and these earrings,
If you ever left I’d have no one there to hold my hand while I got my first tattoo,
If you ever left I’d have no one to stalk out rental properties with on Google street view,
If you ever left I’d have no one to help me solve my very complex IT issues,
If you ever left I’d have no one to do crazy shit with, like dressing up as zombies for a mystery march to a secret location, 
If you ever left I’d have no one to get wasted on red wine with,
If you ever left I’d have no one to give me great big bear hugs when I’m ready to give up, 
If you ever left I’d have no one to put my heart back together.
So promise me you’ll never go anywhere without me… at least not today.

A love poem for you

Source: http://piccsy.com/
I could write a dozen poems about our love,
of holding hands and making plans,
of flying paper jets and watching sunsets.

I could write a sweet poem about our love,
of sunny days spent basking in the sunshine,
of cloudy days spent cuddling on the sofa.

I could write so many beautiful poems about our love,
but none of them would bring you any closer.
None of them would let you smell my hair or touch my hand.
None would let you breath my air, and I yours.

So instead, I tell you about my new shoes on the phone.
Instead of love poems I show you my new plant on Skype.
Instead, I DM you on Twitter to let you know that I still love you.
Instead of telling you about my day, I send you a quick text.

Instead I lay awake dreaming of someday and make plans for our uncertain future.
Because love poems don’t fill the space where you should be.
They don’t let you hold my hand or kiss my cheek.

Love poems don’t bring us any closer to where we belong…together.

Source: http://piccsy.com/

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows…

My sister and I have a very deep bond and we’re both sucker’s for sappy, heartfelt sorta stuff. 

I’ve already told you all about my relationship with my sister in my post Sister, sister, so I won’t go into all the sap again. This poem is one that we both hold very dearly to our hearts and always reminds me that no matter how far apart we are, I am never without her, nor she without me, for I carry her in my heart. 
Source: Google Images
 i carry your heart e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; 
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life, which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart 

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Today I laughed

Today I laughed. 
I laughed a good, hearty, belly ache laugh.
I laughed with all my heart and cried great big giant tears of laughter.
I laughed with so much joy, I felt as if the sun was streaming right through me.

Not because anything was particularly funny or because anyone cracked a joked. 
Not because I discovered that I had become an overnight genius.
Not because I’m slightly mental and possibly a bit delirious.
Not because my life is perfect and all my needs are met.

Source: http://weheartit.com/

I laughed because that’s what you do when you realise that life is unpredictable. 
When it dawns upon you that no matter how well you may think you have this life figured out, it will always climb up on a tight rope, do a little twirl (just to show off) and then come graciously swinging down and hit you smack bang in the face with a great big thump.

I laughed because I’m human. 
I laughed at my human disillusionment that things would go exactly according to plan, because I’d done the math, I’d seen the forecasts and according to my sources life was in fact a simple formula that could be mastered.

I laughed because life is consistent in it’s inconsistency and despite being constantly surprised by it, despite my fears and reservations, I’m happy to have this life. Happy to love and be loved, happy to experience the best of times and the worst of times, happy to laugh and cry, happy to wake up each day to a new surprise, whether good or bad.

Today I laughed. I laughed because it was all I could do.

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Source: http://piccsy.com/

I imagine

I wish I could see forever. Wish I could see our future.
See you and me with grey hair, sitting on the porch catching the breeze.
I wish I could see us ten years from now.
See us happy and in love.
But the future is blurry and all I can be sure of is right here and right now.
Knowing that what I feel for you is deep and true.
Feeling secure with your hand holding mine and believing that what we have is everlasting.
I imagine us years from now.
I imagine us happy
I imagine us old and grey & holding hands.
I imagine you.
I imagine me.
I imagine us, together and hope that that’s our forever.
Images sourced from: http://piccsy.com/

People

They say the people you love the most are also the ones who have the ability to hurt you the most. I’ve experienced this first hand and I must say its like a dagger straight to the heart. But the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t kill you, as cliché as it sounds, it does only make you stronger. 
The hurt and resentment may linger for a while, but it soon fades if you’re willing to let go of it. The longer you hold onto it though, the more it eats away at the core of you and in some cases it may eventually destroy you. 
I’ve learnt a few things about people in my lifetime. I’ve learnt that no other living creature can produce as much affection as another person and that almost no other living creature can hurt you more. I’ve learnt that people can be fickle, but that they are also caring. 
I’ve learnt that people are cruel, that they make mistakes, that they sometimes have bad judgement, that they can say hurtful things without a second thought, that they like to gossip; but most importantly, I’ve learnt that people need forgiveness. 
So let bygones be bygones. Because as George Michael said: ”People….You can never change the way they feel. Better let them do just what they will. For they will. If you let them steal your heart from you.” You can’t change ‘them’ but you can change how you react 😉
Image source: http://piccsy.com/