The Unbearable Grief

Sad girl holding umbrella (Image source: http://www.hercampus.com/school/maryland/5-ways-avoid-winter-sadness)

“Grief has never looked so beautiful. Quite a paradox, as surely it must be the hardest emotion we have to bear.

It is said the only way out of grief is through it. Otherwise, it can hold us in depression or send us into a madness that can take lives.

Even in death, Ophelia is held in grief as firmly as her heavy dress holds her in water. The haunting subject makes this painting an unlikely favourite.”

– Tate Britain on ‘Ophelia’ by Millais

The ‘human’ in human error

 

 

Oops (Image source: http://www.wrestlecrap.com/icfyt/29204/)

In a world where we rely so heavily on technology to manage our daily lives, I sometimes wonder what the future holds for the human race. From smart tech in the home to wearable technology, the ‘smart revolution’ has changed and influenced nearly every aspect of our lives.

Now, I am certainly no prude and tech plays a huge role in my life, and in particular my work. However, when it does go all glitchy, (which let’s face it, it so often does) we go through the usual process of:

  1. getting frustrated
  2. trying to solve the problem ourselves
  3. rebooting
  4. getting it to work again (or if this fails…go to five)
  5. approaching a professional ‘fixer’ to get it working /OR/ giving up and chucking it

My job involves sitting at a desk all day, stringing together words to fill up blank pages on a blank screen, which then gets cut, copied, trimmed and churned into creamy butter, dripping off the pages of high spec laptop screens. Typos always ruin teh moment. (Image source: http://www.lolsotrue.com/usertag/typos)

By no means is it an easy job. I don’t always get it right and because I’m only human, I sometimes make mistakes. But lately, I have begun to question whether we’re more forgiving of bugs in our tech systems, than the bugs in our fellow man.

If your Fitbit’s not working properly and you’ve tried all of the steps above, you’d probably get rid of it, get a replacement or ask for a refund. I’d probably do the same.

But have our friends / colleagues / teammates / customer service agents, become as replaceable? Or have we just become less tolerant of human error and more reliant on tech to deliver near-perfect results. I suspect it may be a bit of both.

This is what I know for sure

Source: http://piccsy.com/

I’ve been married for all of one year now and I guess you could say I’m still n the honeymoon phase. But after a year of sharing my space, my shampoo, the blanket covers, my popcorn, the last piece of cheese, my dreams, my fears, my annoying habits, there’s a few things I’ve learnt.

I’ve learnt that love is a wonderful thing. 
I’ve learnt that relationships don’t just exist they endure because you work at it. 
I’ve learnt that time is the most expensive gift to give and the most precious one to receive. 
I’ve learnt that happily ever is not exempt from bills, responsibility, cleaning house, laundry days and even grocery lists. 
I’ve learnt that compromise is key. 
I’ve learnt that doing nothing together is the best quality time you cold ask for. 
I’ve learnt that tough times don’t last forever, but tough people do. 
I’ve learnt that you can make room for daydreams in your reality. 
I’ve learnt that forgiveness can mend hurt.
I’ve learnt that “me time” is as important as “we time”.
I’ve learnt that man is flawed, but there is perfection in our imperfections.
I’ve learnt that life has its ups and downs, but it’s so much better to have someone to share the journey with.
These things I know for sure!

Source: http://piccsy.com/

Mommy, where do babies come from?

After having a conversation with my sister over the weekend I was reminded yet again of the amazing things that come out of kids mouths. My 5 year old nephew is a prime example and constantly challenges my thinking with his blunt questions and his simple view of the world. I wonder sometimes when life became so complicated and when I stopped being a kid.

You see my little nephew is quite a little firecracker with loads of energy, just looking at him tires me out. He’s such a free spirit, constantly jumping off things, rolling over things, tumbling onto things, running into things and throwing things over. He’s also quite a smarty pants and constantly questions my logic.

I recall many interesting conversations while driving him to and from his swimming lessons on a Wednesday afternoon and they would normally go a little something like this:

Him: Do you know where you going?
Me: Yes, I know where I’m going.
Him: But how do you know, if you’ve never been there before?
Me: Because I looked it up on the map.
Him: Are you sure you know though?
Me:  I think so, yes.
Him: I think you’re lost!
(You got me)

He questions everything and I love him for it, although it sometimes drives me insane and makes me blush with awkwardness. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s one of the reasons I cling to the childish bits that still remain in me. He reminds me that there is a certain innocence in youth, an innocence that allows for wonder and bewilderment. An innocence which doesn’t discriminate against stupid or obvious questions; which encourages you to jump, skip, hop and dive into the unknown, always knowing that there’ll be someone there to catch you or put a plaster on it if you should fall.

Source: Google Images

Today I laughed

Today I laughed. 
I laughed a good, hearty, belly ache laugh.
I laughed with all my heart and cried great big giant tears of laughter.
I laughed with so much joy, I felt as if the sun was streaming right through me.

Not because anything was particularly funny or because anyone cracked a joked. 
Not because I discovered that I had become an overnight genius.
Not because I’m slightly mental and possibly a bit delirious.
Not because my life is perfect and all my needs are met.

Source: http://weheartit.com/

I laughed because that’s what you do when you realise that life is unpredictable. 
When it dawns upon you that no matter how well you may think you have this life figured out, it will always climb up on a tight rope, do a little twirl (just to show off) and then come graciously swinging down and hit you smack bang in the face with a great big thump.

I laughed because I’m human. 
I laughed at my human disillusionment that things would go exactly according to plan, because I’d done the math, I’d seen the forecasts and according to my sources life was in fact a simple formula that could be mastered.

I laughed because life is consistent in it’s inconsistency and despite being constantly surprised by it, despite my fears and reservations, I’m happy to have this life. Happy to love and be loved, happy to experience the best of times and the worst of times, happy to laugh and cry, happy to wake up each day to a new surprise, whether good or bad.

Today I laughed. I laughed because it was all I could do.

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Source: http://piccsy.com/

I imagine

I wish I could see forever. Wish I could see our future.
See you and me with grey hair, sitting on the porch catching the breeze.
I wish I could see us ten years from now.
See us happy and in love.
But the future is blurry and all I can be sure of is right here and right now.
Knowing that what I feel for you is deep and true.
Feeling secure with your hand holding mine and believing that what we have is everlasting.
I imagine us years from now.
I imagine us happy
I imagine us old and grey & holding hands.
I imagine you.
I imagine me.
I imagine us, together and hope that that’s our forever.
Images sourced from: http://piccsy.com/

Curry in a hurry

I took a walk down Brick Lane today, with my heels clicking on the cobble stoned ground, as the faint sun shone down on my face. The lane as always, is a hub of activity and sensational aromas. Curry houses line the street on both sides, proudly displaying banners which are similar from one restaurant to the next. ‘Best Balti House 2010’ reads one; another says ‘Curry House of the Year 2011’; and yet another: ‘Restaurant of the year 2009’.

Clearly a marketing ploy to attract many naive foreigners, but hey who can blame them? This is after all Banglatown. Walking down Brick Lane feels like a completely different world in the middle of a very English city. There’s even touting outside of nearly every restaurant, trying to entice you into a meal in their fine establishment, while their competition across the way nudges you closer to his end of the lane.

The name is derived from the former brick and tile manufacturing that took place in the area, using local brick earth. At first the area was occupied by French Huguenots, who left their mark on many of the side streets in this area, such as Huguenot Place, where my office is situated. In the last century however, the area has been occupied by Bangladeshis.

It’s quite a popular hang out spot for trend setters, who spill over from the nearby “trendy” Shoreditch. Big hats with peacock feathers, red-dyed fur coats, thigh-high boots, purple hair and top hats are all the norm around these parts. On the weekends the lane turns into a street market, with street vendors, songstresses and Carrom Board games; providing a little ‘something’ for everyone.

The rich heritage of the area, combined with the quirky characters that hang out there and the smell of masala is what makes Brick Lane unique to me.

Image sources:
http://prashart.net/wordpress/2011/11/06/prashart-discovers-cafe-naz-bricklane/
http://www.wyndhamgrandlondon.co.uk/blog/whats-the-best-curry-london-can-offer/
http://spitalfieldslife.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/ajgordon-guy-with-bike-brick-lane-1-of-12.jpg

Right on time!

Tropicana’s major sun installation in Trafalgar Square yesterday.

 
Sometimes I wonder where I would be right now if I had made different decisions in my life. If maybe I had stayed on in that great corporate job earning a good salary, I’d be settled in a nice comfortable lifestyle. Maybe I’d have been better off if I had not gone back home to finish my degree or if I’d lived somewhere else in the world…etc…etc…etc.

For the past month or so I’ve been having a lot of ‘what if moments’. Unemployed, in a different city, with only my savings to live off, I was starting to feel a little more than out of my depth and the gloomy weather wasn’t particularly helping the situation.

But in the space of a week, that all turned around. A short visit from my family gave me the pick-me-up I needed. Two job interviews later, I landed myself a job in communications, my three-week old cold finally packed up and left and the sun decided to come out in Trafalgar Square. In short, I got my mojo back.

Things don’t always happen just the way you want them to or when you want, but when they do, it’s always right on time! 🙂

People

They say the people you love the most are also the ones who have the ability to hurt you the most. I’ve experienced this first hand and I must say its like a dagger straight to the heart. But the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t kill you, as cliché as it sounds, it does only make you stronger. 
The hurt and resentment may linger for a while, but it soon fades if you’re willing to let go of it. The longer you hold onto it though, the more it eats away at the core of you and in some cases it may eventually destroy you. 
I’ve learnt a few things about people in my lifetime. I’ve learnt that no other living creature can produce as much affection as another person and that almost no other living creature can hurt you more. I’ve learnt that people can be fickle, but that they are also caring. 
I’ve learnt that people are cruel, that they make mistakes, that they sometimes have bad judgement, that they can say hurtful things without a second thought, that they like to gossip; but most importantly, I’ve learnt that people need forgiveness. 
So let bygones be bygones. Because as George Michael said: ”People….You can never change the way they feel. Better let them do just what they will. For they will. If you let them steal your heart from you.” You can’t change ‘them’ but you can change how you react 😉
Image source: http://piccsy.com/